This girl is more easily done than said...
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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