I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
Randomize
