I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Randomize
