How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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