some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
Randomize
