If i come over, it means nothing
Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
Randomize
