i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
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