carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
