If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
