I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
Randomize
