pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
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