i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
