Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
Randomize
