I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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