For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
