Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
My pussy is not your playground.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Randomize
