this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
