i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
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