he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
Randomize
