we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
50% drunk capacity currently
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Randomize
