Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
