How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Randomize
