Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Randomize
