I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
