id be glad to
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
Come back. Shots need mouths.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
Randomize
