dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
Randomize
