I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Randomize
