The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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