in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Randomize
