I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Randomize
