Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Randomize
