i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
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