Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
Randomize
