I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
Randomize
