If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
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