I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
