I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
Randomize
