I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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