Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
