i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
my shit smells like andre
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
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