if you force a hooker to have sex with you and dont pay her would it be rape or theft? something to ponder
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
Randomize
