Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
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