Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
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