I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Randomize
