Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
I would fuck him just for his dog
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
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