I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
Randomize
