you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
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