I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
Randomize
