I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
