Im at strip club and am horny
There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Randomize
